Psychologists say that every child in Ukraine will be affected by the full-scale war unleashed by Russia. The war has meant that many children are forced to study in bomb shelters, and many others have experienced trauma from witnessing war crimes, losing their parents, or being forced to leave their homes.

What sort of mental health support do these children need? How should it be administered, and who should be first in line to receive it? The Village talks to children’s psychologists and considers Israel’s experience of handling children’s mental and emotional health.

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How do kids experience war?

“We recommend not categorizing children according to the type of trauma they suffered, whether it’s deportation or living in frontline areas. Different scenarios can become traumatic experiences, and in all cases what kids need most is emotional safety,” says Oksana Lebedeva, the founder of Gen.Ukrainian, an NGO helping kids live through the war.

Photo: Gen Camp

Almost all children who are currently in Ukraine or who were forced to leave the country are suffering or have suffered some form of traumatic experience. “Even if the child hasn’t sustained a direct trauma, they are still traumatized by the constant sense of danger, air-raid alerts, and their parents’ anxieties. If one of their parents is fighting for Ukraine, the child will inevitably worry about their mom or dad. The fear of death is a lot more present in their lives, because we constantly hear about the deaths of both children and adults in the media. Even if we try to protect our kids from informational overload, it’s impossible to completely avoid this sort of information,” psychologist Oksana Shlonska tells The Village. Shlonska designed the Protected by Love program in the Gen Camp children’s rehabilitation camp.

If a child has been abused, they will need to work with a psychologist, just like with any other trauma, Shlonska adds. It’s important for the child to be able to work through all their feelings: shame, pain, aggression, or fear.

“You have to work with a psychologist, because a child that has been abused can withdraw, or mistreat other children if they start to identify with the aggressor,” Shlonska explains.

If a child has witnessed abuse, Shlonska says it’s likely they will identify with the victim – or with the abuser. If the child identifies with the victim, they’ll be haunted by fear, and display traumatic responses if an adult raises their voice or seems distant or alienated.

According to the Children of War portal created by the Ukrainian government, Russia has forcibly deported nearly 20,000 Ukrainian children. Some human rights groups cite even higher numbers. As of 6 May 2023, only 364 children have been brought back to Ukraine. Over 19,000 remain in Russia, are forcibly adopted into Russian families, and educated in Russian schools.

While away, children might succumb to the influence of Russian propaganda and come to believe that their parents had abandoned them. “In this case, family psychotherapy will be needed to restore the attachment and work through rebuilding the relationship,” Shlonska says. “This is gentle work to restore the child’s Ukrainian identity. It can’t be done on autopilot. To overturn the effects of the Russian propaganda, we have to create circumstances for the child to develop and grow, to learn about Ukrainian culture and literature. Creating circumstances in which the child feels comfortable will help us undo what the enemy had imposed on that child.”

Moreover, Shlonska says, if a child is brought back to Ukraine before too much time passes, and if they have loving parents, the Russian propaganda is unlikely to cause significant damage.

What are war’s effects on kids’ mental health?

Children often become aggressive in the face of troubling events. If this happens, it’s first important to determine what triggers the child’s aggressive response – it will then be possible to figure out the best course of action.

It’s key to explain that feeling anger is okay to children who become aggressive towards themselves or towards others, says Oksana Shlonska. But it’s also important to explain that there are different ways to express this anger. It’s unacceptable to act out aggression in ways that harm others. What we have to do is give the child tools to channel this aggression differently: through expressing their feelings, doing breathing exercises, tearing up paper, engaging in physical activity, and so on.

If the child’s anger appears irrational – for example, if the child is angry with their dad who is far away, or if they refuse to talk to their dad – it’s important to think about how the kid communicates with their dad, whether they know why their dad isn’t with them in that moment. Sometimes we try to shield our children by withholding information or explanations that seem difficult. But that can make the child feel left out and abandoned.

Some kids might resort to screens and gadgets to avoid reality. Shlonska says that often both kids and their parents might think it’s a good solution. For parents, it’s an easy way to distract their child, creating an illusion of safety and control.

What can be learned from Israel’s experience?

Hila Petrova, a family consultant and psychotherapist practicing in Israel, says it’s impossible, and maybe even unnecessary, for every child to work with a psychologist.

With the Isreali-Palestinian conflict flaring up in May 2021, most of Israel lives in a state of permanent war. “We don’t know when we’ll be struck or where. But we know what to do if it happens,” Petrova says.

Petrova has been consulting parents about interacting and communicating with children for the past 20 years. “Everyone who lives with children or works with them has to have a set of skills to communicate well with them. Israel realized that it’s impossible to have a psychologist working with every child. What’s needed is to make sure every parent, every teacher and educator knows how to identify and alleviate stress. Though of course if we’re talking about serious trauma, psychotherapy is key,” Petrova explains.

City governments fund special parent groups, free to use. Parents can join these groups to get advice from experts.

“I think that if a family is built on good relations, the child won’t need external help. Parent groups are about preventing stress, drug addiction, and alcoholism, and offering support during or after war,” Petrova says.

She believes that a comprehensive, multi-pronged approach is best when it comes to supporting children’s mental and emotional health: “I’ve just run a group for people who work with orphans – teachers or their assistants. They spend every day with these children, in contrast to psychologists who only spend 45 minutes with those kids once a week. These teachers are the ones who have to have appropriate training.”

War is part of kids’ lives in Israel. In school, they are drilled on what to do in the event of an alarm through songs, poems, and exercises.

“The idea is to raise awareness at all levels: beginning with adults, and ending with young kids. We constantly teach children, educators, and pensioners what to do in different scenarios. But there is a big ‘but’. Our wars are very different from the war in Ukraine. So I’m not sure whether our experience translates well to your reality. Maybe some of it does,” Petrova concludes.

How to support kids today?

Svitlana Roiz, a psychologist, tells The Village Ukraine that first and foremost, kids need physical and emotional safety.

“It’s also important to create a structured environment – a schedule, a familiar routine. This can be calming and create a sense of safety and predictability,” she adds.

Roiz stresses the importance of going back to old habits and rituals, or restoring a familiar routine. This can involve very simple things, like the way kids are woken up, how parents greet or say goodbye to their kids, and the activities that recur every day. It’s important to set aside time to talk to the child about whatever they might want to bring up. That’s how parents can find out what’s worrying their child, and what aspects of the situation they do or don’t understand.

“Not dismissing a child’s emotions or feelings is already a huge contribution to their mental health,” Roiz says. “A general template could go like this: give the child a sense of safety (go to a safe space, turn on the lights, hold the child in your arms), establish a sense of proximity (explain that you are there for the child, and will be there for as long as needed), normalize their emotions (for example, if the child is scared, explain that the situation really was scary), and propose a course of action (for example, do breathing exercises together). Then you should praise the child, tell them they’ve managed to get through the difficult situation.”

Roiz also emphasizes that even a young child can take control of their emotional and mental state. It’s important to help them, but still leave them room to act independently. It’s also good for both parents and their kids to be able to play and find sources of joy. Being able to find time for joy and play during war is “like vitamins for our mental health,” Roiz says.

Cover: Gen Camp